Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Windows and Mirrors: Outward Relationships Lead to Internal Identity Development

In the depths of Nakkula and Toshalis's chapters four and five, I found myself remembering why I had groaned a little bit when Julie told me the book we would be using for this class. While I think the stories interwoven with the theoretical explanations of adolescent development really drive certain points home, I also think that there is A LOT packed in here, maybe even too much. It is as if Nakkula and Toshalis are providing us with a synopsis of each educational theorist that has ever had something to say about adolescent development (so, pretty much all of them). Anyway, while I am slightly overwhelmed and having a hard time keeping track of each theorist/theory and how they are all intertwined, there are countless key points that are crucial in attempting to understand the adolescents that walk through our classroom doors every day.


"We come to see and understand ourselves and others - in and through relationships" (94). I have always thought of relationships as both windows and mirrors - they provide us an insight (window) into someone else's world, while allowing us to look inwardly at our own worlds (mirrors). When I think about understanding myself through relationships, I think about the relationships that have forced me to think about what I truly believe, what I think, and what I know. These are not the "easy" relationships. These are not the simple conversations in which we will all agree on everything all of the time. The way our class is set up - a safe place to share our thoughts and disagree with one another, respectfully - is a perfect example of Margaret J. Wheatley's "Willingness to be Disturbed," in which she (much like Duckworth) eloquently states, "what might we see, what might we learn, what might we create together, if we become this kind of listener, one who enjoys the differences and welcomes in disturbance?" What might our students see, what might they learn, what might they create together, if they learn to become listeners who enjoy differences and welcome disturbance, allow themselves to be vulnerable? 


How am I pushing my students to become listeners, thinkers, creators - and how do I emphasize these concepts through their relationships with each other, and they relationships with me? How do I incorporate a space for students to be "disturbed" or put into a state of disequilibrium, in order to enhance their growth and development of identity? These growth-promoting relationships are "characterized by connections in which each person's needs are considered and enhanced, where each person's identity is known and actualized as the self they understand internally" (95).  Slowly, I've been finding a balance between taking the time to get to know them and share a lot of things out loud, but there are also times that I've had the students do some things in small groups that feel a little new, a little different, and a little uncomfortable. There are several students in which I have noticed a slight push from peers will lead to a greater internal push - an adolescent developing understanding of himself through a relationship. 

3 comments:

  1. Love the video, Tina! Cool connections between our previous discussions about Turkle and conversation/connection. I think these quotes you pulled about growth promoting relationships help to take her concerns to the next level. Also, I've been thinking a lot about the different types of listening - and wondering why I hadn't ever seen such an explicit list before. This year, I have to grade for speaking and listening, and I've been wondering what that listening part would look like. I think I want to take some of those levels of listening into my classroom and help make the students aware of the ways they might be listeners (and the way that affects their relationships, either to be growth promoting or not).

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  2. Love the video, Tina! Cool connections between our previous discussions about Turkle and conversation/connection. I think these quotes you pulled about growth promoting relationships help to take her concerns to the next level. Also, I've been thinking a lot about the different types of listening - and wondering why I hadn't ever seen such an explicit list before. This year, I have to grade for speaking and listening, and I've been wondering what that listening part would look like. I think I want to take some of those levels of listening into my classroom and help make the students aware of the ways they might be listeners (and the way that affects their relationships, either to be growth promoting or not).

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  3. Tina,
    I also found chapters 4 and 5 thick. I started reading Friday night, and was not able to finish until late on Sunday. I found myself re-reading sections over and over in order to make meaning from it. I also found myself looking forward to the stories as a way to connect the theory. These chapters gave more weight to the influence of relationships on development and learning, which I think can't be understated. This is where our students are most at risk of developing traits and habits which might be hard to shake later on. They are receiving many messages from many sources, and what they are listening to is hard to pinpoint. Marketing companies have experts and lots of financial backing to direct messages specifically to adolescents. Friends influence each other in a complex system of messages, parents and teachers fall in there as well as society at large. Your video hits on the listening so perfectly, especially when it says that we live in a time where people are constantly in a personal sound bubble, and rather than listening they are personally broadcasting.
    I think we are almost at a point where the less we say, and the more subtle we are, the more likely we are to make an impact, rather than adding to the chorus of personal broadcasting.

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